How The Straw Hat Pirates Destroyed Al Kahn
by Evangelion 5.0
Summary: This is just made for laughs and it is not meant to be taken seriously, but how WILL they destroy Al Kahn, dreaded villian of Anime culture? Find out by reading, and please review! A Crack fic like no other!
1. It's Your Rubber Knife

_How The Straw Hat Pirates Destroyed Al Kahn_

_(2002)_

_(The Grand Line; The Going Merry)_

_"Oi! Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Chopper, Robin, come here!" Luffy yelled in excitement as everyone walked toward him as he held the newspaper._

_"Y-You can read?" Sanji said sarcastically as he saw Luffy with the newspaper in his hand._

_"Yeah, I can read." Luffy said cluelessly._

_"Well, what is it?" Nami asked before she came to the conclusion Luffy was wasting everybody's time._

_"Ok, the news is that... we're getting our own TV Show!"Luffy said anxiously._

_"I'm famous! Yahoo!" Usopp yelled as he danced with joy._

_"I'm rich!" Nami cried as he dreamed of the piles of money that possibly awaited her._

"_It says it will be done by a company called... 4Kids." Luffy said as he dreamed of food, piles of it, piling to the mountaintops, from the East Blue over to the New World, unlimited quantities of it, and it's all you can eat._

_The Straw Hat Pirates now celebrated, it was great then... but this is only the begining._

_(2003)_

_(The Going Merry; Aquarium)_

_The Pirates watched the Television, awaiting their show to come on. They had waited months for this day and it finally came._

"There once was pirate named Gold Roger, who was the King of the Pirates.  
He had fame, power and wealth beyond your wildest dreams.  
Before they hung him from the gallows, these were the final words he said.  
"My fortune yours for the taking, but you'll have to find it first. I left everything I own in One Piece.  
Ever since, pirates from all over the world set set sail for the grand line searching for One Piece, the tresure that will make their dreams come true."

YO-ya-yo, ya-yo!

Dreamin', don't give it up Luffy  
Dreamin', don't give it up Zolo  
Dreamin', don't give it up Nami  
Dreamin', don't give it give it up give it up give it up give it up give it NO!

Here's how the story goes we find out  
About a Treasure in the Grand Line  
Theres no doubt, The pirate who's eye on it  
He'll sing I'll be King of the Pirates  
I'm gonna be king

Ya-yo, ya-yo ya-yo, ho-ho

His name is Luffy  
That's Monkey D. Luffy  
Gonna be king of the pirates!  
He's made of rubber - how did that happen?  
Yo-ho-ho he took a bite of Gum Gum

Ya-yo, ya-yo

His name's Zolo he's just like a samurai  
and a l-a-d-y Nami's not shy

They're the pirates who can do anything (?)

He's gonna be king of the pirates, he gonna be king!

Ya-yo-ya-yo-ya-yo ho-ho, set sail for One Piece, it's the name of the treasure in the Grand Line

Ya-yo-ya-yo, set sail for One Piece!

...

"Okay... let's hope the actual show is better." Zoro said.

(22 Minutes Later)

"I'm going to kill whoever did this!" Luffy, Sanji and Zoro yelled.

"They left me out of the show, same for Robin-swan and Nami-swan!" Sanji cried.

"My name is Zolo... Out of all the names, Zolo!" Zoro yelled.

"And why do I have that voice, I hate it! It sounds nothing like me!" Luffy said.

"And the music! This is not supposed to a show for children!" They all said.

"Correction, but the company is called "4Kids" Nami said.

"We'll have to deal with it for now."

(Nine Months Later)

"Sooo... who wants to kill whoever made this, gave us dumb ass voices, childish music, and an abomination overall?" Sanji announced.

They all replied with a Yes, even Robin agreed, probably for her Texan-like voice.

"After this, we don't have to deal with terrible puns like: "He was a lucky ducky", "Vanilla Rice", "Remember, It's Your Rubber Knife", and "How about a nice room... in a dungeon", or any of that bullshit!" Sanji yelled.

"The guy's name is Alfred Kahn, he's the CEO Of 4Kids.. let's go." Luffy said as the pirates set sail for Al Kahn.

(At 4Kids HQ)

"I love raping perfectly good animes like One Piece! It's my pride and joy!" Kahn laughed as he looked at the badly edited shows.

"MWAHAHAHAH! No one can stop me!"

TBC.

Will the Straw Hats Succeed?

Will Al Kahn be stopped?

Is Al Kahn related to Genghis Khan or Khan from Star Trek II?

Find out next time in the finale!


	2. How About A Nice Room With Kahn

"_MWAHAHAH! No one can stop me now!" Kahn laughed as he watched Sonic the Hedgehog being burned on the stake._

_(Flashback)_

_"Mr. Kahn, please cancel my show, it's bad, and I mean BAD. Please, we don't deserve this!" Sonic pleaded._

_"Nah. Guards, burn him at the stake!" Kahn yelled as Sonic pleaded and the guards carried him away._

_"We'll have to... find... a...clone...of...Sonic...maybe Shadow...Leo Burnett and 4Kids are the devil! Leo Burnett!...ooh...oughta get the electronics team in here to fix the problem with my vocal box..." Kahn mused in a Shatner-like style._

_"Paul is dead." A Voice said._

_"What?" Kahn said._

_"It's fun to smoke marijuana! It's fun to smoke marijuana!" It said._

_"What?" Kahn and Lil Jon said._

_"Congratulations! You have found the secret message! Please send your answer to Old Pink, care of the Funny Farm, Chalfont... Roger! Carolyne's on the phone... Okay..." It replied._

_"What!" Kahn and Lil Jon said again._

_"The music is reversible, but time is not. Turn back! Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!" It said._

_"What! What! What! Okay!" Lil Jon yelled, then he left._

_"What does that mean?" Kahn said._

_"You're gonna die." It said, then it vanished._

_"Electronics! Fix me up now! I'm hearing and seeing things again that are saying I'm going to die!" Kahn cried as a man watched._

_"I Wish he dies this time." He said as another man replied._

_"Don't Jinx it! You fucked it up last time when he was on a helicopter with that lady from NBC in '93." He said._

_(Flashback end.)_

_The screams of Sonic had now stopped and an explosion had occured._

_"Who's not going to stop you? Luffy said as appeared in front of Kahn._

_"Why...why am I... PART OF YOUR SCHEME FOR WORLD DOMINATION!" Luffy yelled as he grabbed Kahn's throat._

_"So you found out... that I was going to take out Bush... but you didn't know... I AM THE DEVIL!" Kahn said as he grew horns and his body turned to flames and emerged in a crimson red demon._

_"Uh...yeah...we did know... that episode of Pokemon...duh." Luffy said as the other agreed with him._

_"Oh... so that kills the twist ending for this chapter... soooo... NEXT TIME ON HOW THE STRAW HAT PIRATES-" Kahn announced as Nami yelled his name._

_"Hey Kahn!" Nami yelled as Kirk yelled Kahn and Kahn (4Kids' Kahn) looked toward her._

_"Happiness... Punch!" Nami said as she revealed her upper body to him._

_"10,000 Berries please." Nami said as he buttoned up her shirt._

_"Nami, they don't have beriries here." Luffy said as Nami grimaced._

_"THEN YOU WILL PAY ME! Happiness punch!" Nami screamed as she did the R-Rated Technique to Luffy, causing blood to spout from his and Sanji's noses._

_"Same for you Sanji!" _

_"Here you go miss... 10,000 berries, freshly picked from hell." Kahn said as a truck full of berries dumped them on Nami._

_"NO! NOT THOSE BERRIES!" Nami said she got buried alive in berries from Hell._

_Nami was now out of the fight._

_Sanji too. He now needed a blood transfusion._

_2 Down. 5 to go. (Remember, this takes place after Alabasta, but before Water 7)_

_"Powah Rangas! NO ANIMALS ALLOWED. Guards, take this deer and put him in the secret forest." Kahn said as the guards grabbed Chopper and left._

_"Oh yeah, and no women allowed." Kahn said as the guards grabbed Robin and the giant pile of berries that Nami was buried in._

_"Mr. Kahn, we can't get this girl out of the berries! What do we do?" The guards asked._

_"Use the juicer!" Kahn said as a trap door opened beneath the pile of berries, dropping the berries into a juicer, only for screams to be heard._

_"HELP! DEAR GOD! HELP ME! ALLAH!" Nami screamed._

_Everyone went to the juicer, only to find out...she was from Agrabah... and was a man._

_"Heh, looks like I gotta tell this to Sanji" Zoro said as he looked at the blood filled juicer._

_"Guys... what the hell happened!" Nami said as she looked at the blood filled juicer._

_"Oh hi Nami- WHAT THE HELL!" Luffy said as he looked at Nami._

_"I Was left at the gates. REMEMBER." Nami said as a flashback was fading in._

_"NO! WE DON'T NEED A FLASHBACK FOR THIS IDIOT TO REMEMBER!" Nami said as he grabbed Kahn's horns and proceeding in attacking Luffy._

_"OW! MY HORNS!" Kahn cried._

_"No, don't- OH GOD!" Luffy screamed as Nami jumped on him, about to stab him._

_*BEEP* "This part of this segment is censored due to graphic images and gruesome sounds." The announced said as they showed a picture of Nami stabbing Luffy in the arm._

_..._

_"Now back to our original programming."_

_Nami was now gone as the guards had carried her out, the only wounds given to Luffy was to his right arm, left foot, and testicles._

_"Zoro... if I die... tell them... Leo Burnett... did it..." Luffy said while panting._

_"Alright... time to kill?" Zoro said._

_"Time to kill. Then a Happy Ending." Luffy responded._

_"Gear Second." _

_"Gum Gum... Stamp." Luffy yelled as he stretched his arm onto Kahn's face._

_...And Kahn... fell? WHAT THE FUCK?_

_"Zoro... where's Usopp?" Luffy said._

_"Dunno... KAHN DID IT." Zoro responded._

_"He's gone... because... I'm... racist... didn't you notice that some characters in One Piece were white when you originally saw them, they were black? If you did not notice, you blow." Kahn yawned._

_"Zoro, if you want, you can kill Kahn." Luffy groaned._

_"NO! I'll kill you!" Kahn yelled as he got up._

_"Shitty Assicle... Retards for Kids!" Kahn said as the 4Kids Logo popped up and... fell to the ground. WHAT. THE. FUCK._

_"More Like "For Shame." Luffy and said as they laughed._

_"Jinx. You owe me a Grog!" Zoro laughed._

_"This Is It. Kahn Trio. Activate!" Kahn said as Genghis Kahn and Kahn from Star Trek II appeared._

_"KAAAAAAHHHHNNNN BASTARDIZATIOOONNNNN! Level Over 9000!" The Three Kahns screamed as a giant Kahn came from the sky... And it exploded on the Kahns._

_"Oh... SHIT." Al Kahn said as the Kahn exploded._

_It killed the Kahns._

_"Well... what do we do? Peter Griffin?" Luffy asked._

_"Let's Go Home." Peter said as he left the arena._

_"Okay. Let's Go Home." Luffy said as he and Zoro left._

_..._

_(Back On The Going Merry...)_

_"Guys... did we leave Sanji at the 4Kids HQ!" Luffy said._

_"OH SHI-"_

_(R.I.P. Sanji. 1997-2003)_

_"NO! I'm here. I had to get a blood transfusion!" Sanji yelled as he hit Luffy on the head._

_"Luffy... my berries? ALL 10,000 Of Them. Same for you Sanji!" Nami said as she prepared to hit Luffy and Sanji._

_Both of them said: "OH SHI-"_

_(R.I.P. Luffy 1997-2003)_

_(R.I.P. Sanji 1997-2003)_

_"NO! WE ARE NOT DEAD!" Luffy and Sanji yelled as they got angrier._

_"Okay you two... MY BERRIES." Nami said as she smirked._

_Everyone just laughed._

_"REALLY. MY BERRIES. NOW." Nami said._

_"OH SHI-" _

_(R.I.P. Luffy 1997-2003)_

_(R.I.P. Sanji 1997-2003)_

_JK._

_The End._


End file.
